I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
