What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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