The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
