my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
