i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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