U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
