Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
