did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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