You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
