k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
