so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
