$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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