She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
