Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
