dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
