i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
