so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
