he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
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