My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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