16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
