Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
