My first STD was from a foam party
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
