In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
