I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
