how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
