yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
