I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
