I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
