I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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