I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
