u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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