how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
