what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
