So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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