True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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