Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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