dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
