cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
