Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
