tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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