honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
