your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
