I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The ass gains better be worth it
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