I just threw up on my dentist
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
