So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
