I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
