If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
