I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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