btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
