So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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