I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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