I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
