Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
